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Mikey was my childhood epicurean hero. He knew what foods he hated (according to his brothers he hated everything) and what he liked – Life breakfast cereal made by Quaker Oats. While on the topic of oats – see what I did there? –  I don’t like’em unless they been formed into chewy cookies with a sweet vanilla cream center and packaged by Debbie’s own little hands.

I wouldn’t call myself a finicky eater.  It’s just the mushy gruel thing. Try as I might – and believe you me my mother tried it all from oatmeal to Farina to grits – I am no fan of any of it!

Wasn’t kidding about the Little Debbie thing. Just like my attraction for lesbian butch women, it’s all in the packaging. She knows how I take my oatmeal and just like Xena, I like what she do.

I’d better end this now ’cause it’s taking everything I have not to fix that grammatical error. So if you like your oatmeal, more power to your healthy self. I’ll be over here with my Shaker pal, Cap’n Crunch.