Morning Femmetation: Slammin’ Joe

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Happy National Coffee Day!

javaness

I realized after I made this most perfect slammin’ cup of coffee – rich Colombian roast with hazelnut creamer – that today is a day of celebration.

Little known coffee facts be here (according to Good Housekeeping):

  • Coffee is Ethiopian in origin. Seems that shepherds’ noticed that their goats got twitchy and whatnot after eating the unknown berries.
  • Coffee used to be eaten as a snack. Okay, so some things really don’t change.
  • Throughout history, coffee has been banned at least five times. Fools they were.

So, join me in a cup of fabulousness (we gay folk make everything fabu, baby) today. And remember:

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” ~ David Lynch

 

 

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Morning Femmetation: @$%&!!

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imageIn the transparency of self-awareness, I have to admit I’ve been a little salty lately. Howbeevah, there’s a good reason for it, which my body has made perfectly clear.

Suffice it to say, if I find the heifer that used a hormone blow dart on my unsuspecting perimenopausal self, I will slap her and her estrogen spores to sleep. I’m low on Always and don’t have any Pringles or Little Debbies Turtle Brownies in the house.

I’ve narrowed it down to three heiferettes. I think it’s the one who’s been crying over nothing and eating Oreos in the breakroom. Well, her performance review is gonna suck. S-U-C-K suck.

Early Bird Trauma

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“Womyn, you can pull the butch out of the most labeless of dykes.” ~ **The Rack** circa 2010ish

Warning: This will probably be the only sentence without a curse so enjoy it. (You should also be aware that I’m home from work early and sipping on a chilled glass of Moscato d’Asti as I type this.) Here be my tale of woe:

I was running late this morning, something I rarely do. So, instead of being ready for work and sitting down and enjoying my morning coffee before my father’s aide/nurse came, I was in the shower. By the by, I was going to Oxford comma that last sentence but fuck it.

Photo credit (buy one!)https://www.etsy.com/market/dyke_as_fuck

We let the aide – let’s call her Reyna (She’s family and doesn’t do labels) – come a little earlier than she should because she has an all-night case before us and would have to kill an hour somewhere before she starts. Note to self: Let Reyna kill that damn hour somefuckingwhere else.

It happened pretty quickly after she arrived. Dad let her in and they immediately start with the corny jokes and futzing around until I finish in the bathroom. I know I’m holding them up and try to hurry. Well, guess who’s all lathered up? Guess who reaches for the shower head with a very soapy wash-and-moisturize-while-in-the-shower hand?

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Morning Femmetation: Heart Under Construction

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“Promise me you’ll keep writing. If we ever break-up or whatever. Promise me.” ~ **The RACK**

Who knew it would be “whatever” – I certainly didn’t. Today is your second heavenly our sunrisebirthday. It’s been an interminable nineteen months that seems like yesterday. Le sigh.

Honey, I don’t have to tell you that except for a few scattered posts to Charred Ice, I haven’t written one syllable. Even deleted my writer’s blog, Breathing. In. Color. Methinks you’d be interested to know that I just searched to see if it was still online and some site has one of my erotic stories as a free ebook…used without permission of course! You would’ve done your lawyer thing in a heartbeat. ❤

Anyways, I promised then and I re-promise now. As I look at our sunrise, I will write. I know you’re at peace. That those sweet knees that loved my warm kisses are no longer in pain and those beautiful eyes can see clearly again.

I’ll write. I’m trying baby, I really am. It’s just that I miss you so. Happy birthday, my darling Wo-man. Je t’aime, bebe. ❤

Morning Femmetation: Out of Site

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I knew it was going to be ‘one of those days’ as soon as I turned into the parking lot. First, a rhinoceros sized pothole tried to swallow my SUV. After barely escaping its horn, I clumsily swerved into a spot – missing someone’s pretty new Chrysler by thismuch.

Did the slip-n-slide-please-don’t-let-me-drop-my-coffee ballet and finally made it into the building. Get into the elevator and immediately am an unwilling hostage. Continue reading